I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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