I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
