There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
