Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
