I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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