Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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