I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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