It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
