Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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