wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he puts the penis in happiness.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize