I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
