I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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