Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
