do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
