I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
