she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize