is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
