obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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