AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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