Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
