he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he fucked my hip out of place.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
