I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's blow job season.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
