Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
