Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
