he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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