if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
