Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
