dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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