Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
