I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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