i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
