i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
