I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
