And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
