My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I need to align my fucking chakras
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
