I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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