Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
