Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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