Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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