So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
