I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
