Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
