her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize