god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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