please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
