just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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