I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
