hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
