I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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