so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
