Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
