Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
