There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
