mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
