Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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