Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
