It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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