best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
