Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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