dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Is Oprah even human
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
