its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
