i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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