i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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