In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
we're so committed to being not committed
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
