She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
