if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
