Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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