big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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