THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
