She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
