I think I died a long time ago.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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