My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
