dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
