What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
