Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize