Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Randomize
