Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We are all done wearing pants today
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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