Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
