Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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