farters have to be the big spoon...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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