I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
