My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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