Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
