My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
