lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
