dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize