Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
