I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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