4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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