I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
