For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
